Dollar Tree store shopper

It’s important to dress to the nines when shopping at the Dollar Tree store. I like to throw on a mink coat and wear a hat that cost me more than one month’s health insurance premium.

Six weeks ago I received an unprecedented amount of traffic to my website. Upon further investigation , I discovered that people were googling “Pablo Escobar Halloween Costume” which led to a prior post of mine.

And now this infamous post is a top entry on page one of Google searches under this topic. Last year, I dressed up as Pablo, the cocaine trafficker, as homage to Netflix’s newest series, Narcos.  The original series is a biography of one of the most notorious drug lords who ever lived. The series is so well conceived and executed, I felt compelled to channel Pablo, despite being a woman.
Since the show’s debut, it has garnered a vast following. It was just a matter of time before fans would choose the protagonist, Pablo, for this year’s Halloween costume. I pride myself in being an oracle for forecasting fashion trends and now I can claim this talent  for predicting Halloween costume trends as well.

Pablo escobar halloween costume

When you are pressed for time dress up as Pablo Escobar for Halloween. All you need is a moustache, “Eurasian  traveler’s wig”, cigarette and a ziploc bag filled with fake cocaine.

So, what could I conceive for this year’s costume? The requirements are low cost, minutes to create, must look insane and resonate with Americans.  Here GOES… I would dress up as a rolling, human representation of a Dollar Tree store.

I wrote a blog post a few years ago about America’s deification of all things cheap. Down and dirty goods will always be a mainstay in today’s economy. With that in mind, I looked towards the Dollar Tree for inspiration in creating this year’s costume.

christmas in dollar tree store

Oh goody. Christmas has arrived in October.

creepy cloth in dollar tree store

Creepy cloth which can be draped over your shoulders like a capelet.

A friend accompanied me on this shopping trip who shares my sense of humor and loves to mess with people as much as I do.

Minutes after walking into the store, we stopped an employee and asked:

“Excuse me, can you show us where your higher end dollar store finds are? We’re hoping you can point us to the $1.25 section? We’re looking for fashion scarves, shoes and hats?” It was nearly impossible to contain our laughter. The employee was very professional and took our request to heart. She directed us to the “fashion” section for scarves and plastic neon hats.


fashion scarves dollar tree

Feast your eyes on the ‘fashion scarves’ section. Line these up next a row of Hermès scarves and I swear you won’t be able to tell the difference.

Christmas wreath dollar tree store

The Christmas decorations are appallingly cheap looking. But I guarantee they will sell out.

As we plied through the goods, our creativity ran amok. Oven mitts were flying, wreathes were wrangled, tinsel abounded and we threaded it through the wheelchair tire spokes. In the midst of this frenzy and uncontrollable laughter, we grabbed bags upon bags of pork rinds to fuel this mania. And…voila! A costume was born.

PrettyCripple Dollar Tree store Halloween

Voila! Here’s the final product. Wig, plastic neon hat, Bowie-esque glasses, creepy cloth, red Christmas piping,  glow in the dark skeleton necklace, tinsel in my tire spokes and oven mitts on my boobs.

Pretty Cripple's halloween costume

Aren’t these oven mitts great? I call this look ‘Mitts on Tits.’

dollar tree halloween wheelchair blogger

books at Dollar Tree store

Just before exiting I found these fine reads. Given the US election for president is less than a week away, I found these two books foretelling. We will need a Bible to pray for an outcome, which will be as farcical as electing an Amish farmer named Josiah to the White House.

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