Ugly sweater

Tis the season.

In my household, which is comprised of two female chihuahuas and 50,000 hat + shoe boxes combined, we know the season is upon us, when I plug in a work of art created by my BFF, Mini.

I mentioned her sublime “Dead baby Doll” moveable sculpture in another blog post.

To jar your memory, she created it for me as a house-warming gift many years ago.  Here are some of the doll’s parts.

  • Found objects in the trash (skull pins and wire)
  • Doll head and maryjane doll shoes
  • Fake blood
  • Corporate stolen binder ends stabbed into the top of her head
  • BBQ skewer in her mouth
  • Death tag

If you think making this for someone as a housewarming gift is twisted, you are not far off.

I don’t like to label my friends as being ‘twisted’, but creative.

Every December I invite my closest girlfriends to celebrate this salubrious (for some, lugubrious) holiday, which includes boundless amounts of liquor and food. We also like to shoot video and post it to social media, because “why not?”

After I finished eating a plate of cheese, meat, entire French bread loaf and several glasses of Prosecco, I felt the urge to shoot a video with my favorite muppet, Fontina. (Fontina has a potty mouth, but rest assured we are working on getting to the bottom of her anger.)

over eating Please God no more food. I can’t take it anymore. Must seek will power. Must. My friend who is standing in the back ground with the Santa hat texted me later that night, “Oh shit, I just accidentally ordered 70 cans of cat food on Jet.com. I really need to remind myself not to shop online after drinking.) She owns one cat who was thrown out of a moving car and is now a bit brain damaged. He swats the air with one paw and can’t see out of his right eye. But other than that his cat mommy takes great care of him. Here’s to cat moms and those who love animal adoption.

 

disabled blogger and her muppet Fontina Meet Fontina. She is chewing on a styrofoam pickle. Doesn’t everyone have those lying around their house? You can tell we are pulling an all nighter. Her velcro nose is falling off. We also confused Christmas with Easter.

At around midnight our antics resemble those of a sorority hazing.

On a whim we decided to shave Mini’s head, and dye it with a hodgepodge of colors to resemble a Christmas tree.

women's punk rock hairstyle for Christmas

WAIT A MINUTE HERE. Are you trying to tell me adult women shouldn’t do these kinds of things? What’s the alternative? Binge-watching your third Netflix series within 2 weeks?

womens punk rock hairdo This is the enviable apex of Christmas fashion style. Put on your best Hello Kitty flannel pjs, a HO, HO, HO Christmas tree skirt around your neck in lieu of a proper necklace and dye your eyebrows pink.

There’s no right or wrong way to celebrate the holiday season.

Keep it magical, creative, mixed in with a bag full of mental illness and you’re headed for a great new year.

I call this collaborative, artistic experience, “Making America Even More Fucked Up Again–Without Trying.”

Peace out.

Look into my eyes. I can see into your soul. And believe me, it doesn’t look pretty.

Christmas Ugly Sweater designed by Jamie Kreitman.