BFFs dressing up as Edith Beale of Grey Gardens

That’s my BFF Mini and me dressed as Edith Beale, AKA “little Edie”, a socialite from East Hampton and first cousin of the late Jackie O’. She shared a decrepit, filthy mansion w/her mother and one hundred feral cats who used the entire mansion as one gigantic litter tray. Edith was eccentric,  ate dinner from a can and danced around her squalor waving an American flag with a sweater wrapped around her head fastened with a brooch. She actually thought it looked good and so did we. You an see for yourself in the movie GREY GARDENS, which is a bio about the Beale family. The streaming white schmutz on my face is zit cream.

Symbolism follows me wherever I go. Last week, a rectangular stainless steel sensor-operated trashcan popped into my radar. My best friend, Mini, sent it to me so I may begin the new year by purging life’s emotional trash from 2014. She also remarked that I am slovenly, rarely clean the crusty gunk from my old receptacle among other bad habits. She reasoned that if I am able to devote so many hours to my appearance, then I should be able to spend more time cleaning my living space. She is 100% correct and for that reason, she’s been my bestie since age 16.

Aside from having good health, one of life’s greatest blessings is to have a solid friendship for years. My bestie is intensely loyal, creative, artistic, hilarious, dyslexic and has had my back since day one. We have been in so many crazy situations together that we are lucky to be around. Perhaps we have 99 lives?

Life would be unbearably boring if it were not for creative people. Mini loves to create art and has created quite a few pieces for me, which I will cherish until the day my ash is tossed across the ocean. When my leg cast was removed after breaking my femur last September, she held onto it and declared “In the new year I will create a piece of art to hang over your bar because you have neglected that area forever.” She is right. I never found something to hang over my art deco bar.

So last weekend she came over with stuff she purchased from Target. As you may have known, both of us are obsessed with Muppets. We wanted to incorporate a Muppets element into this piece of artwork. After feasting on lobster bisque, duck and salmon ceviche it became clear to us- let’s create a pièce d’art that looks like a Muppet’s amputated leg.

Creative, weird, artistic leg cast wall art sculpture

What do you think of the title? Nothing esoteric here. The muppet fuzz was created from a Target couch throw pillow. It was ripped apart and sewn to resemble a muppet’s foot and upper thigh. The leather strap at the top symbolizes our bond (S&M bondage).

We stood back to admire my grey blue wall’s adornment and realized that now I had two works of art created by my BFF in one space. The other one is a moveable doll 18 inches high which she made as a house warming gift when I moved to my NY home 9 years ago. I remember vividly our convo and how she presented it to me.

Dead baby doll creepy, gothic art sculpture

The Christmas balls are not part of her original look. I decorated her for the holidays and yes! My holiday decorations are still up in mid-January.

Mini: Congrats on your new home. I made this for you and thought it would look great on your bar. It’s called “Dead Babydoll.” You can plug it in the wall and watch her head rotate round and round. It lights up too.

Me: Oh wow. I love it. Fake blood, daggers coming out of her mouth and head, a skeleton brooch and body tag. Hum, she’s even wearing white stockings with black patent leather Maryjanes. Wow, a stylish dead baby. I can’t wait to show this to my holy-roller mom. Maybe she can bring this to her next pro-life rally. Were any babies harmed in its making?

Mini: Ha, ha. Nope. No babies were harmed. I can’t wait to see your mom’s face.

Me: I can. Aside from that, this is by far the creepiest thing you have ever given me. Now do you understand why your nickname is Creepella after all these years? You need to start making and selling these. You should add something to make Dead Babydoll talk. Perhaps she could be a vice doll marketed to people who are emotional overeaters. She can shout “put down that basket of cheese and bacon biscuits! You will never be able to wear skinny jeans if you continue to chow down!” This could be huge. (By the way, my mom got the humor in Mini’s art. She actually loved it).

creative leg cast art in a art deco bar area with dead baby doll art sculputre.

Here is a video of the moveable doll in action.

Now you might be wondering, why do I deserve all this love and attention from my dear friend? Well, I have done what is expected of a friend. I make her laugh, listen and don’t judge. I advise and comfort her as any friend should. We have a good balance in our relationship in which we are both givers, not takers. I am sure you know what I am talking about. If you have a “taker” in your life, it is time to dispose of the toxicity. You don’t need a vampire sucking all your energy.

One of the most cherished moments women go through in a relationship is the planning of their wedding. Marriage is a big deal, which is why more couples are waiting to tie the knot. My analogy of marriage is one that can be addressed through the eyes of a farmer. For example, if I were to marry, I would first test the soil, check it for erosion, see if the scum bag who owned the land previously, cleaned up the toxins left behind, which have now polluted the local waterway. But I am a patient farmer and fortitude has paid off in the way of grant money which has arrived to help clean up the area. I have finally been approved by the USDA with a certificate for organic farming and after a long hard day of gathering food, I come home and make time for my significant other by listening to his day’s events, though I smell like manure. But I make the time to bathe with him and even share my precious Ayurvedic hand cream that costs about a month’s salary in Latvia. But I am grateful I do not live in Latvia, and that I smell like vanilla, lemon rind, roses, cardamon. It’s wonderful to have a mate who loves me and doesn’t judge me since I farm in mud covered Belstaff boots rather than prosaic rubber ones made by Hunter.

It looks like Mini met her organic, generous farmer after years of cleaning up eroded soil and waterways full of plastic water bottles and pig manure.

Naturally, this will be a big year for her. I offered to help design her SAVE THE DATE postcard. Being a graphic designer comes in handy. The card doesn’t need much work since she laid out the whole design for me. She found a photograph of a man and woman in a Tribeca neighborhood trash can, which someone scratched with a sharp object. Someone had complete hatred for the two people in this image, which Mini found very amusing, so she kept the photograph and decided it would be perfect to use in her wedding. Since the wedding will take place at the beach we used a happy turquoise color with a pink milk shake theme. Voila! A SAVE THE DATE card that will confound the older generation in her family. Yeh, and so what? I convinced her that this wedding is her special day, that she doesn’t have to wear a cliché white puffy, fluffy dress, have a million bridesmaids standing around in garish taffeta dresses and certainly doesn’t need to spend $500 on a beige letterpress set of invites. NO! We will design something that will make her day memorable and unique.

funny, weird and twisted wedding save the date invite postcard

Mess with your older relatives’ head with this stunning SAVE THE DATE card. (The back side has all the info you don’t need to see).

I couldn’t ask for a better, more fun best friend who looks at life with so much gusto, laughter and creativity. I can say I am one of the most fortunate people to have someone uplifting me when I am down, and cheering me on to stay creative. She is, after all, one of the people who told me to start a blog years ago.

Do you have a Mini in your life? If you do, tell her how special she is. Sometimes we forget to do the most obvious things. Take a minute and tell that person in writing. No, not in an email, but by pen and paper. That would be the most fitting and touching.