Plata o Plomo - Money or bullets Pablo Escobar

I am not a fan of trendy Halloween costumes. This year, the trends pointed to Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Ben Carson, Bernie Sanders, black cats, and more. PULEEZ, come to your senses! Why would you choose to dress as a cat? The least you could do is inject some imagination, like dressing as a cat living in the home of a one-percenter. Don a tiara, put on a diamond collar, paint your talons red and place your tin can of caviar on a custom made velvet pillow.

This year, I chose to dress up as Colombia’s most notorious cocaine trafficker, Pablo Escobar. Amazing that in 2015, he is still posthumously famous. I have been obsessed with his story for over a month since Netflix aired it newest series, NARCOS. The stellar series documents his life from the 70s through the 90s. If you recall, I discussed this new TV series in my NY Fashion Week Cocaine post. If you love drugs, violence, gratuitous sex, inept DEA agents, drug smugglers, thugs, a country gone rogue, then you will enjoy NARCOS.

What I found most fascinating about Pablo was how one man could control and terrorize an entire country. The world has witnessed and documented the history of mad men reigning terror upon the populace. This will be recurring as long as humans are on earth. You would think that people would not allow these atrocities to happen, but they sit silently watching tyranny unfold. The only way I know to cope with tragedy on such a huge scale is humor. It was relatively stress-free getting dressed as Pablo.

First I googled “Colombian drug trafficker wig”, with ZERO results. I plodded along and clicked on my top suggestion, “Eurasian Traveler Wig” reminding me of Sasha Baron Cohen’s character, “Borat.”

Then I found a huge moustache, (very Borat again) and a man’s button down blue dress shirt. I didn’t feel like carrying a zip lock bag of fake coke (flour) so I purposely chose to yell and swear in Spanish and act erratically, while smoking a cigarette. Pablo did not dabble in drugs. He ran his drug empire as calculatingly as possible, with his reliable nicotine stick dangling from his fingers.

Spanish is a beautiful language which is not difficult to learn, however, pronunciation is tricky. Try rolling your “R’s”. Not easy. When most white Americans attempt to speak Spanish, they sound like pint sized billionaire and former New York City Mayor, Michael Bloomberg.  Or even worse, George W. Bush.

(Watch this magical transformation into Pablo.)

Once you get a handle on ‘R’-rolling, you could master some sentences to fit into cocaine smuggling circles as depicted in the show.

    1. “Your mother is a whore”. For some reason if you say this to a man who respects and holds his mom in the highest regard, you risk being shot.
    1. “Kill the assholes, they stole our cocaine route.”
    1. “Money or bullets.”

Watch my video as I reveal “my best Pablo”. I will teach you some phrases in Spanish and remind you to start watching or binge on Netflix’s newest series, NARCOS.

I leave you this week with a video I found on Facebook of a tot dressed for Halloween as Pablo Escobar, complete with gun and briefcase. This disoriented kid has no idea he is the hapless recipient of a tasteless joke. His family should be forbidden to proliferate their gene pool.  Here is another example  why Planned Parenthood should never be defunded.

Tiny Pablo Escobar Is Ready For HalloweenLittle Pablo Escobar runs the biggest fun size Snickers cartel… Posted by Break on Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Adios amigos.