It never dawned on me that I could be so besotted with an object into which one can converse and the unseen responds. Enter FaceTime, Apple’s most clever incarnation of mobile technology. I didn’t want to show my ebullience over this roll out. I always ridicule the cross-eyed, unshaven, zipped-up hoodie wearing slackers who camp out 24 hours or more in front of the Apple Store. How do those wankers afford a $600 phone?
I placed my order for the iPhone 6 Plus in September, but due to frenzied demand, I didn’t receive it until 1.5 months later.
Of course when I opened the beautiful, simple, matte white box I squawked, “I love this phone more than life itself. Nothing else needed. Thank you God!”
But still, one more challenge loomed to complete my new tech addition. Plain and simple, my phone needs to get dressed. Though it may be a “conversation” piece, it still needs to become the ultimate “conversation” piece.
On the market there exists a glut of stupid looking, blingy, tacky phone covers. I need something better to up my fashion game. So, I decided to take the custom made approach. I would find an image that wouldn’t bore me to death, upload it to Zazzle.com and voila, a sleek one-of-a-kind cover would arrive. As I trolled my stash of photos, I decided that my visage dolled up, staring blankly, was too lusterless. Way too typical of the pathologically self-obsessed millennial set. Mine would have to be funny and simultaneously send a powerful, indelible social message. I think I NAILED IT!
Do you remember my blog post about how the Obama administration should expand social entitlements by supplying every American with a butler? As a hard working, productive member of society I am ENTITLED TO HAVE A BUTLER! I styled myself fashionably, one could say like Che Guevara, sans cigar. I inserted my image in front of the White House lawn with grumpy head butler, Carson, from PBS’s hit show, Downton Abbey standing behind me. Hell, I even designed this website mockup to convince the American people we need to employ more butlers!
Now that the Republicans control the Senate and House, selling this proposal for entitlement will be a monumental task. Highly doubtful that households will be employing a butler. Slowly, the Repubs are being convinced that the minimum wage needs to be a living wage especially in the Red states. That means that households shouldn’t be in poverty if the breadwinners flip burgers or bag groceries.
While I wait to hear from soon-to-be Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell about my new proposal, I will be at work on my newest iPhone case design to diversify my phone wardrobe. What do you think of this one?
Picture some obnoxious hand drawn font with the words “First Ferguson, now Ebola. What will 2015 bring? A new reality series starring Republican Senator Joni Ernst castrating pigs on her Iowa farm.” Oink, oink.
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