Halloween HeaderContrary to popular opinion, I find Halloween very annoying. It is the one day of the year that adults wear costumes, which had been shoved into the deep recesses of the closet only to be pulled out again 364 days later. Don’t get me wrong. I love getting dressed up in unusual and fashionable get-ups as a matter of course. I don’t need a specially designated day to wear something insane and prance about for the hell of it. My friends agree I lack a filter and embarrassment gene. I have no qualms putting a diaper on my head and rolling through Walmart aisles screaming “I lost my mommy”. What compels me? Humor and incessant laughter.

I am jealous of kids. Without incident, they can put on a Darth Vadar costume, go food shopping with their parent and no one thinks twice. However, if an adult wears a Superman costume in Walmart, a photo will go viral. Why can’t adults have the same amount of fun and not fear that they’ll end up in a straight jacket at a neighborhood asylum?

Darth Vadar Kid's costume

Screw you, mom I am wearing my Darth Vadar costume to Walmart and without Crocs for kids either. Photo credit: Tumblr

This year I was invited to a Halloween party and was excited because my BFF, Mavis would be in town. I don’t get to see her often because she lives 2 hours away. Also, I would see my friend Flossy who doesn’t have much of a filter either.

Project Runway’s Chris March designed a new line of fun styrofoam wigs for Target. When the blonde bouffant hit the market over a month ago, I pounced. I wasn’t sure exactly what would be my character. But once I had that sucker in my possession, Mavis advised me to dress up as the matriarch, “Pickles”, from the short lived cult 2001 animated tv series “the Oblongs.”

First of all, “Pickles” has to be the best name ever. To be named after a salty, crunchy, zesty, garlicky cucumber with a perfect snap crackle is very apropos. If you recall a prior post, I love pickles to such an extent that I even designed a PICKLE hat and recounted my salt-laden crunchy addiction in this post.

The Oblongs-Halloween Costume

How do you dress up as “Pickles”? Just follow my lead to the right. You can always substitute the cigarette for an eCigarette.

The character, Pickles, is a train wreck of a parent. She is a chain-smoking alcoholic who is hungover at least 4 days a week and has 4 deformed kids. Her double amputee husband, played by Will Ferrell, never gives up on her and loves her unconditionally. They are all disabled or deformed as a result of pollution and radiation exposure in their impoverished community. These environmental disasters are caused by the adjacent “the Hills”, an extremely wealthy neighborhood which pollutes with impunity. This is a dark, demented series, hilarious and bold in its social commentary about the realities of pollution, wealth redistribution, social class structures, excessive wealth and the inaction of government in poor communities. Clearly not for children. There were only 13 episodes, each one more twisted than the prior.

Watch this “Oblongs” episode called “Heroin Addict.

I had to practice wearing my new wig to make sure I would feel comfortable. I went into my village that morning with a friend and tried to get into my tricked out minivan, (aka “vana-saurus”) with a bit of difficulty. I spent the afternoon wandering through my village wearing the wig and even had lunch at a taco truck to the amusement of passers-by.

Click on my Instagram image to watch my attempt getting into my “vana-saurus” while wearing this Chris March for Target wig.

After eating 12 tacos with cantaloupe slices for dessert, I had the stamina to do a photo op with my two darling Chihuahuas, Hattie and Mirdle.

Chris March Wig and Chihuahua wig costume

I dressed up my Chihuahua, Hattie as Katy Perry. She wasn’t crazy about the pink goggle glasses I tried to put on her.

PrettyCripple in bouffant wig and Mirdle the Chihuahua in ladybug costume

My other poor Chihuahua, Mirdle dressed as a lady bug.

Mirdle the Chihuahua in a ladybug costumeLater that day, I had more fun preparing for the evening while watching my two hilarious and creative friends, Mavis and Flossy, getting into their costumes. Mavis is a tad bit OCD and indecisive when it comes to the costume prepping process. She packed her Mini-Cooper with so much stuff, I would not have been surprised if the entire cast of Cirque de Soleil  sprung out.

Male-blow-up-doll-for halloween costume

Remember my male blow up doll, Skip? We dressed him up in a Mardi Gras mask, my pink shearling coat and Morrissey concert tee, which he refuses to ever take off. This Valentine’s day post might jar your memory regarding my plastic confidante.

Helena-Bonham-Carter Halloween costume

This is Mavis dressed in a “Helena Bonham Carter who forgot to take her psychotropics that morning” costume.

Mavis Halloween costume detail

Don’t you love the detail in her head piece? There is metal mesh, a white picket fence covered in blood, a pile of red tangled plastic to resemble a bloody dust bowl and my favorite–a book light, just in case the party is boring she can sit in a corner and read.

baby head doll necklace

Home made necklace using a toy baby head, medical device and old bike wheel.

Peacock ass-Steampunk costume

This is Flossy in her costume. She described it as “Steam Punk chic and a peacock during mating season because peacocks fan their feathers when they are courting.” She found the feather butt on eBay under “Peacock feather bottom.”

At the last minute I decided against wearing my “Pickles” costume and instead dressed up in my usual eclectic style. I dolled up with a veil and feather fascinator, Jamie Kreitman vintage inspired faux fur trim cardigan with rhinestone buttons and a new pleated leather skirt. The night was balmy, so I wanted to be prepared for anything the night might offer.

We arrived at my friend’s historic 3 floor home. I never anticipated the party would be held upstairs in the attic. This massive party room had a bar, spinning disco ball and thumping house music heard down the street. Yet again, I was reminded of the kindness of people. I didn’t want to impose on anyone to carry me upstairs though I weigh as much a Oscar Meyer Lunchables snack box. My friend Pete, who was dressed in a heavy Santa Claus outfit complete with a bottle of Jack Daniels, reminded me in his heavy Bronx accent that he is a fireman. He assured me that he “hauls tons of overweight people in wheelchairs in and out of burning buildings.” His mission was to get me up to the party. So Fireman Pete and the host’s dad carried me up without a hitch. I am ever grateful for their insistence on my inclusion in this fabulous party.

Tom-Magda-Halloween costumes

Who is this phantasmagoric duo? Why, it’s host Tom and Magdalena. How gross would it be if those were really his fingers and he was a Dental Hygenist for a living?


Our facial symmetry makes people smile and not run for their life.

Once upstairs, I had an amazing time watching everyone dance. They were dressed up in creative costumes that made me beam. Music, dancing, meeting new acquaintances-all made for one amazing evening. This beautiful restored home could cause Martha Stewart to seethe in jealousy and drop dead on a pile of barely nibbled cucumber canapés.

Life is good.


We are “Creepy Clown” lamp and we promise to haunt you in your sleep and cause you to be agitated for the rest of your days.