THANKS, New York State, for my TAX REBATE!

Governor Cuomo tax rebate and a constituent in her new faux fur Shrimps coat from Netaporter.com

Over the past few months, many unforeseen expenses have arisen which left no room for financing my addiction, shoes and clothing shopping.

There are myriad ways people choose to enrich their lives. While it is true that one of life’s greatest gifts is helping others and charitable giving, I maintain that my greatest happiness is the pursuit of beautiful clothing and shoes. Is this shallow or frivolous? You freaking bet’cha! Before you pass judgment, hear me out. My addiction helps me look good without resorting to tipping a flask into my Starbucks pumpkin latte or pop anti-anxiety meds so I can get through the day.

Less than a week ago, one of my favorite days of the year arrived. If you are guessing holiday season planning, wrong you are.  The event I am referring to is online luxury retailer, Netaporter.com’s bi-yearly 50% off sale. On these kind of sale days, a warm rush comes over me similar to the magic mushrooms I experimented with in college. Envision that state of euphoria, sitting Indian-style, caressing a colorful, fuzzy rug for hours on end, oblivious to corporeal needs and the surrounding world.

You may question my judgment as to why I subject myself to this type of virtual torture. Specifically, why would someone on a suffocating budget peruse their favorite online shopping site? Well, I couldn’t help myself and what happened next wasn’t pretty. Beautiful coats are my Achilles heel. When I found this faux fur masterpiece designed by UK brand Shrimps, I plotzed. If you saw my reaction, you would’ve thought I was diagnosed with a skin eating cancer. But actually, the let down was on account of the lack of affordability.

Shrimps Glinda Coat

Shrimps ‘Glinda’ coat on Netaporter.com

Yeh, yeh, yeh, I know, New Yorkers and their first world problems. I didn’t care. I felt ENTITLED to this coat. I quickly messaged my friends urgently asking what I should do, what could I sell, what could I pimp to get this coat. Or should I beseech the Almighty with yet another  plea, so I could look and feel good?

I took a break from my computer screen to go down to my mailbox and fetch my mail. AND THEN IT ARRIVED. An early Christmas present from the State of New York, MY TAX REBATE CHECK!  Ah, you gotta love NY. It is has the highest taxes, with no end in sight, but we do get some tax breaks.

I could hear the faint whisper of my staunchly conservative, dead Polish grandmother: “Are you sure you shouldn’t use your check to buy gifts for those less fortunate, buy family members gifts or give a nice donation to the church for the holidays?” NO WAY GRANDMA! NOT THIS YEAR! This year it is about THE COAT. And besides, it was manufactured in poor, formerly war-torn Bosnia. What the hell? Fashion made in Bosnia-isn’t that a form of charity? Good-bye China.

Wheelchair disabled street style in Shrimps coat 'Glinda'

Yes, that’s right this gal won’t be seen in a frumpy down coat this season. It is all UK fashionable gear from here.

Lopsided drooling mouth, a track pad click and voila! Here I am, happily swaddled in my post-war Bosnian made coat with resplendent buttons. The splendor of this coat will sway admirers into agreeing that happiness can be obtained through tax rebate checks.

GOD BLESS NEW YORK!

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1 Comment

  1. Your irreverence and political incorrectness is refreshing. (OK, scary, but fun!)

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