I grabbed the brass ring at Paris Fashion Week

 

Silver trend wheelchair fashion

This lucky lady owns most of the trends that were showcased at Paris Fashion Week for fall 2017. Rhinestone headband by Jamie Kreitman. Check out Chanel. Big fur collars are a huge trend. Thanks vintage boucle jacquard coat for holding up this well.  Silver skirt, tights and boots? Oh yes, there’s lots of silver arriving this fall. As for brooches and rhinestone–a few are never enough.

Americans are always on a mission to find ways to lower toxic stress levels. Some practice yoga (which I hate and has put me to sleep in front of an entire class), meditation (another snooze fest), exercise (REALLY? That lasts 10 minutes with subsequent munchies), sex (boring, unless you allow me to chomp on a hero sandwich), and numerous other pursuits.

For me, managing stress means analyzing and assessing fashion. Paris Fashion Week ended on Tuesday, March 7th and I have an Excel spreadsheet of data. How’s that for proof of my annoying fastidious Virgo characteristics?

I ponder details such as hemlines, draping, fabrics, colorways, styling of models on the runway,  music chosen for the catwalk and covetous accessories.

Without further ado, here is my rundown of what we’ll see at retail for Fall 2017:

SILVER:

I love the sheen and sleekness of silver. I prefer it to gold, which I find brash, but might come in handy the day our financial system implodes and we need it to barter for a loaf of bread.

Silver fashion trends 2017

Left: MUGLER – photo by Luca Tombolini; CHANEL – photo by Yannis Vlamos; BARBARA BUI – photo courtesy of Barbara Bui. All via Vogue.com

FUR:

want to be ‘less’ of a hypocrite by claiming I love animals, yet eat and wear them. For years I wore real fur, had an awakening and chose high quality faux fur instead. Do add faux fur to your wardrobe this fall and make sure to go overboard. I take my cue from the design brand ESTEBAN CORTAZAR. More is good, better, BEST!

Fur trends fall 2017 Paris

Left: KOCHÉ – photo by Luca Tombolini; ESTEBAN CORTAZAR – photo by Umberto Fratini; GIVENCHY – photo courtesy of Givenchy. All via Vogue.com.

COCOONING:

Americans love comfort, but this cocoon-swaddled-trend takes it to the extreme. This trend was designed specifically for hermits, introverts, or those suffering from narcolepsy, needing a place to lie down at a moment’s notice. 

Cocooning Fall 2017 Trend

Left: UNDERCOVER – photo by Yannis Vlamos; RICK OWENS – photo by Yannis Vlamos; Comme des Garçons – photo by Kim Weston Arnold. All via Vogue.com.

HOODIES:

The hoodie is an unforgivable item of clothing. I don’t care if Vetements justifies charging $900 for one, or how innovative the silhouette is designed, or how it is constructed from a fabric crafted in a remote Italian village by artisan nuns. When I envision hell, I see its denizens sitting in hoodies, drinking Coors Lite, chomping sloppily on a McShitwich, wearing fur-lined calico trimmed Crocs for eternity. I will avoid hell at all costs. 

Hoodie Dress Trends Fall 2017 Paris Fashion Week

Left: Melitta Baumeister – photo courtesy of Melitta; UNRAVEL – photo courtesy of Unravel; Each x Other – photo by Luca Tombolini. All via Vogue.com.

LEATHER:

There is something formidable about a woman dressed in head-to-toe leather. She exudes strength and self confidence. These days more companies are designing great quality faux leather, but stay away from cheap imitations, it looks ridiculous.

Head to toe leather for fall 2017 - trends

Left: UNRAVEL – photo courtesy of Unravel; VALENTIN YUDASHKIN – photo by Luca Tombolini; BARBARA BUI – photo courtesy of Barbara Bui.

MIU MIU:

Miuccia Prada who designs Miu Miu as well as Prada, had me beaming over this collection. There is a naive, feminine, quirkiness to it, but it is the colors, clashing prints, big fur baker-boy hats and big, bold, retro patterns that I love most. Look at the cat print on the right model. Now that is a perfect daytime outfit designed especially for me.  Look at the middle model. Don’t you love marigold against orange? Mouth watering.

Miu Miu fall 2017 Paris Fashion Week

All Miu Miu

HUMPING FASHION:

Over the years I have exclaimed many times to friends: “Oh man, I am so going to hump that outfit.” At first my friends thought that I would literally hurl myself from my wheelchair, onto a pile of clothes and hump them, much like my Chihuahua humps her Ugly Dog toy (which has a big brown stain on the back, by the way). I am sure out there somewhere, there are people with a ‘fashion-humping’ fetish, who actually copulate with couture. I pass no judgement. Let’s just say, I understand.

My favorite item in this tableau is the hat worn at the Jacquemus show. This is what a demented matador’s hat would look like after being impaled by a bull; and then had a good ass-whooping by legion animal activist fanatics. Rightfully so. What kind of a macho, dandy asshole taunts a bull dressed in a gaudy pair of knickers, velvet bedroom slippers and tights? He had it coming.

My favorite fashion board for Fall 2017 Paris Fashion Week

Left: JACQUEMUS – photo by Kim Weston Arnold; ISSEY MIYAKE– photo by Kim Weston Arnold; YOHJI YAMAMOTO – photo by Monica Feudi. All via Vogue.com.

Farewell fashion lovers. I have a future blog post percolating in the next few weeks, which will be completely bat-shit. It will involve my college friend who is my carbon copy. We dressed as lumber jacks in a past blog post. I am sure all of you do this with your friends. And if you don’t what the hell is holding you back?

Au revoir à bientôt. Tu es magnifique.

Paris Fashion Week inspiration board - wheelchair blogger

Read my mind. What am I thinking? Oh never mind. I will confide in you. I want to abscond with this green horse knocker-whatever-the-fuck-this-thing is. It would look fab in front of my home doorway. Now how the hell do I not get caught?

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3 Comments

  1. Really informative post! loving the silver collection! How cool :D The shoes in the 3rd silver outfit are GORGEOUS! Keeping us up to date on the latest fashion trends as always :)

  2. Love the madador hat!! I saw it online and went nits over it! Claire is studying fashion and i’m Goldman ngbto let her read this ;)

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