Pretty Cripple, Tim Gunn and hospital staff overlooking my post op surgery

By day three, the banality of NY Fashion Week ruptured my heart valve, so it needed to be replaced. Thank you Columbia Presbyterian for replacing it in a few hours. I am a lucky gal because Project Runway’s Tim Gunn dropped by with a bottle of Grey Goose, new Chanel purse and cute Chihuahua dressed in a jaunty beret. Have you ever mixed vodka with a morphine drip? It was the best high of my life.

New York Fashion Week ended on Thursday leaving me, once again, disappointed. I wanted my heart to pound and burst from joy, instead it left me empty and in need of a valve replacement. More so, the first half of NYFW needed to be replaced with a new vascular system and left to rehabilitate  and reinvent until next year.

Respected veteran fashion critic Cathy Horyn concurred when she had this to say about the excess of fluff floating in a caldron of spectacle soup:

For several days now, New York Fashion Week has been getting serious again, back to bread-and-butter business. Good-bye, Yeezy and all that. It sometimes seems, in fact, that the industry has splintered into three completely separate businesses — the celebrity lines, the trendy-casual stuff that consumes most of the space (and slowly kills you with its banality), and the elite brands like Oscar de la Renta. There’s no real leader, though, in American fashion. We have stars, bona fide talent (Narciso Rodriguez) and conceptual playmakers (thank you, Marc Jacobs), but what we desperately need is someone who can challenge and ignite the whole industry. Raise the bar, because it’s pretty low right now.

To my point, let’s start off with the mess that is Kanye West’s YEEZY collection, and sadly in its junior year.

The only way to safely contain prophet Kanye’s overinflated ego before exploding, was to stage his runway spectacle inside Madison Square Garden – a first for a fashion designer. In the world of a incendiary hip-hop mogul, and marketing master, you can’t stage a runway show without shamelessly promoting your own music. He showcased his dead-on-arrival duds to songs from his brand new album, ‘The Life of Pablo,’ which releases this week.

The set was designed with strewn refugee tents, and models separated by gender standing forlornly, wearing either oversized gender neutral tops (roomy enough to conceal an  AK-47) and a full body, geriatric compression stocking, body clinging fabrics in taupes and ochres. You know, the most euphoric of colors off  the spectrum wheel.

Yeezy collection NY Fashion Week February 2016

Kanye deferentially  gave a shout out to refugees when he consulted his “mood” board.  Or maybe he is just slipping into madness. Or maybe he speaks to Jesus regularly, who suggested to design something in preparation for Armageddon. Or maybe  the voice in his head said “Yo, lemme see how fucking crazy people be bein’ if they buy from my collection.” Photo: courtesy of YEEZY via Vogue.com

Luckily, after delving further into all the shows, I was resuscitated when a few designers’ denim ensembles, proved retail-worthy.

Denim collection from NY Fashion Week 2016 - Vifiles, Concept Korea, Public School

DENIM: the most versatile and ubiquitous fabric on the planet. I love the model on the far left from VFILES (for Ottolinger label), sporting a hybrid mullet/Dutch Boy bowl /Billy Ray Cyrus-assaulted-by-a-raccoon hair style and then set on fire, but miraculously able to put it out in time for a runway show.  Middle: Concept Korea and Right: Public School – photo by Aitor Rosas/indigital.tv for Vogue.com

By day four, I deduced the only avenue for fashion is textile technological advances. Everything on earth has been done. Every silhouette, embellishment, trim and trick has been done. So, what’s left? Artisanal techniques rendered with technical advances. But what’s the point? The average shopper will overlook such feats and not appreciate the nuances of these advances. Perhaps ensembles should come with manuals or voice activated tech gadgets attached to explain the technology that goes into every piece. That way, the consumer can truly appreciate and recognize the artistry in these magnificent garments.

Technical Acrobatics from NYFW February 2016

Left: Designers Chloé and Parris Gordon for Beaufille used boiled wool dipped in polyurethane to create a patent leather effect in this oxblood color ensemble. Photo courtesy of Beaufille. Middle: Threeasfour  used 3D technology printing in this collection called “Biomimicry.” A single garment can take up to 200 hours to complete.  Photo by Luca Tombolini/Indigital.tv. Right: Adam Selman used barbed wire tinsel in this top. Photo by Marcus Tondo/Indigital.tv. All via Vogue.com

Technical Acrobatics at NY fashion week

Left: Phelan’s knits are gorgeous. Before her foray into her own brand, she was responsible for the tactile, 3D knits that hallmarked many of Alexander Wang’s collections. Photo by Greg Kessler Studio. Middle: Delpozo created architectural garments. And that yellow color? Red Bull for the eyes. Right: Beaufille created this handmade sweater by placing wool  in a bag, embroidering on top of it over and over, then throwing it into a tub of water to dissolve the plastic-y material. Photo courtesy of Beaufille.

I have saved the best for last. Marc Jacobs’s stand-out collection was my favorite. He referenced Beetlejuice, witches, goth and so much more. His heavily embellished garments were so breathtaking, you need to see them up close. Watch the eerie video , which was staged impeccably. The models walked across a white bare stage with huge, stretched, dark shadows cast along the stage to the sound of single chimed notes.

Marc Jacobs NYFW fall 2016 collection

Guess who the woman in the center is? LADY GAGA! God I love this collection. Photo by Monica Feudi/Indigital.tv. All via Vogue.com.

Marc Jacobs NYFW fall 2016 show

My favorite jacket of all the shows is the one on the left. Ballerinas, playful rodents, stars and whimsy delicately embroidered onto satin and cropped at the waist. This people! This! Photo by Monica Feudi via Vogue.com.

Bottom line–We don’t need staged spectacles to sell clothing, unless you are one of a handful of risk-taking designers like Marc Jacobs. Designers who bolster a lackluster collection with a spectacle, is a waste of time and shouldn’t be used as a device to keep their ego levitating over gullible, celebrity-obsessed masses.

We don’t necessarily need fabrics to take us to the moon. We need beautiful functional fabrics, sprinkled with creative, risk-taking designs for living our daily lives on EARTH. Designers, take note.

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