The other day I sat back pondering what to do with the bulk supply of tampons I purchased from Costco. Costco is the emporium of everything and anything in bulk supply. Whether or not you need 50 bars of Ivory Soap, 35 rolls of Bounty or a year’s worth of garlic powder, the whole concept is enticing. In general, it makes sense buying in bulk, except when you are a single woman with two chihuahuas, no kids. Who says things have to make sense? As you can imagine, my bulk supply ends up in an expensive storage unit collecting dust, cobwebs and an occasional critter. Nevertheless, I want to support a company that pays their employees a living wage, health benefits and enables women to buy enough bulk tampons to supply a sorority house for roughly a year or two.
So I couldn’t help but wonder how to put these these items to good use, with the objective of keeping them “green” and using them creatively. Perhaps I could email a photo of my recycled green innovation to the icon of the movement, Al Gore, and he will commend me for my gold star contribution! You see, Al is really my boyfriend in my dreams. Now, you’re probably wondering what green fantasy I’m conjuring up………..
A TAMPON T-I-A-R-A!
I adore tiaras and there is always an occasion to wear them, even to Costco! Backstory- one afternoon, on a jaunt to Greenwich, CT, my friends and I discovered an awesome vintage store, the likes of which I’d never seen before. After perusing the carefully pressed and immaculate collection of fine vintage clothing, my gaze fell upon the most dazzling display of sparkling crystal tiaras. I gasped for air; I must have one! Immediately I envisioned Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s“, staring longingly into the window of said store, resplendent with a crystal tiara gracing her delicate coif.
I was a college art student, so the $50 price tag in 1991 was mighty steep. Thank God for layaway plans! I put my deposit down and scurried out of the store longing for the day I would be reunited with my prized jeweled crown.
It took me a few weeks to come up with the rest of the money for my tiara. When I finally went back to the store to make my final payment, I was in heaven! From that day on, I wore the tiara daily for weeks on end. I wore that dang thing with everything. It didn’t matter whether I was in sweats riding my fire engine red white-wall tire Pee Wee Herman bike with humungous handle bars. I might’ve been late to a drawing class but I was feeling every inch a princess. The tiara covered up the 1″ roots on my badly bleached hair and always helped me feel like Her Highness no matter what I wore.
Ok, so where can you wear a tiara? Or perhaps a more important question is: “What outfit should I wear with my tiara?” Here are two outfits I came up with:
What am I wearing?: Polka dot pony hair boots by Opening Ceremony, Bailey 44 Royal Rugby cutout top and St. John Jeans.
What am I wearing?: Champion Sweatshirt, “Peace” Snuggie, Vintage Jamie Kreitman “Poppy” sweat pants, hot pink socks from Anthropologie and Crest 3-D White Strips.
So, if you are looking for a cheap perk-me-up, go out and buy a tiara. DIY decorate it or simply be daring and wear it in all its glory. Hey, ya only have one life, so just go DO IT! Doesn’t matter what others may think. Please your inner princess first and express yourself. My creedo: wear what I want when I want, have a great ‘tude and no apologies! If something brings a smile to your face, then that’s something special. I repeat, go out and DO IT!
Do you know what would really crack me up? I would love to roll /stroll into the HR department of Goldman Sachs wearing a tiara and a Vivienne Westwood tartan plaid nipped at the waist suit with 6″ high patent leather platform shoes. Whereupon I would present my resume on a silver platter I just whipped out of my wheelchair Prada backpack. Would they call the Feds on me ? Maybe hear barely audible golf claps in the background from overworked interns? Would they guffaw and say : “Ok, this one’s a bit nuts, but, shhhhhhhhhh LOVE her chutzpah and sense of style.”
Just an aside…the staff at Goldman Sachs could use a fashion consultant, by the by.