I have been sweating profusely since the beginning of June. Now we can definitively say that we are in the throes of global warming. You know that New Yorkers’ calling card is their love to complain. Everyday I hear incessant complaints about the heat. And I respond, Shut the EFF up. Would you prefer the Ice Age? I embrace heat despite schvitzing profusely.
Here’s a non-sequitor-as a modern, busy woman, I must budget my time wisely, so I have devised a brilliant time-saving strategy. You heard it from me first-I don’t shower daily. I let my two girly chihuahuas lick me in the evening while streaming Netflix’s newest original series, “Stranger Things.” To canines, I am a savory treat since I am a saltaholic. Specifically, if I were to bottle all of my sweat during these summer months, I could sell it to NYC’s Sanitation Department to desalt all of 5th Avenue this winter. And by the by, this winter is supposed to be a doozy. I’ll have to listen to incessant complaints on that end, no doubt.
For sure, I have made you lose your appetite, so let’s get to brass tacks. Heat is enervating, so why do I need to spend time dressing in pretty frocks and fussing so much? I finally succumbed and joined the ranks of athleisure droids. But if I am to go full-on-schlub, then at least I need to “zhuzz” it up via accessories, accessories, accessories.
I am beating the heat hanging out next to ICE IS NICE, an ices truck with a million different flavors. These Adidas track pants are comfy and not schlubby. Add a pair of faux fur slides by Jamie Kreitman and you have elevated schlub-wear to new heights. Don’t forget to add some vintage rhinestone necklaces and jersey veiled turban. When does the I LOVE NY tee ever go out of style? Sunnies by RetroSuperFuture.
My NYFW outfit choice has been influenced by Rihanna’s latest PUMA Fenty collection and Alexander Wang’s surprise Adidas collaboration. Tough to accept that the athleisure trend is here to stay. How many years did it take for me to accept this trend? I wouldn’t dare leave the house wearing this trend and would hang my head in shame. But I see the trend evolving and morphing into possibilities which can be fashion-worthy.
Alexander Wang and his models showing off the new Adidas collab. Photo by David X. Prutting/BFA.com
Rihanna’a collection is fierce, Wang’s is normcore, while Kanye West’s loathsome brand, YEEZY, is questionable. His four hour event was staged in 90 degree heat on Roosevelt Island with models toppling over from heat exhaustion. They wore leotards, non-descript sweats and plastic boots with defective heels ‘that resemble supersize condoms’, according to fashion critic, Cathy Horyn.
Rihanna’s Fenty collection. Photos by Marcus Tondo via Vogue.com
Here’s how you ‘practice safe legs.’ You buy these plastic boots by YEEZY. Can you imagine all the bacteria that accumulates by day’s end in those things? It’s like a portable sauna for your legs. Photo by: Jackie Nickerson via Vogue.com.
The weather hasn’t stopped me from whiling away the hours online scrutinizing Spring 2017 designs at New York Fashion Week. Yes, SPRING. Let’s pretend winter will last only two days. So getting a glimpse of Spring 2017 has me daydreaming about pajama-robe sets I can wear outside. Who needs feminine or flouncy anyway? Femininity is passé and too much effort. Comfort, ease and seasonless dressing comprise the overriding trends in the upcoming seasons.
Left: Jonathan Simkhai – photo by Edward James. Middle: Lacoste – photo by Monica Feudi. Right: Alexander Wang – photo by Yannis Vlamos. Everything goes in today’s modern world, people. Wear a bathrobe outside the house, but don’t forget to pull a pair of condoms over your legs. STAY SAFE!
This is where this cool-crip cools off. Central air conditioning is for pussies. I’m cooling off gansta style.
