I learned how to cook with blue apron

There are many painful chores in life. One chore leaves me glassy-eyed after throwing a fit of hysteria during which I spout expletives rivaling any Kanye/JayZ rap song. What could that be? Cooking.

It both eludes me and frustrates me. But we need to eat in order to survive. Why can’t the Silicon Valley savants and the Culinary Institute of NY engineer a liquid food that is delicious, healthy and maintains weight at a reasonable cost? Protein mixes currently on the market are disguised as nutritious, yet look like powdered plastic and taste noxious.

Finding and researching new recipes is such a burden. Thousands of recipes are online which leaves me slumped over my computer keyboard.

One day I was complaining to a group of friends about my dislike for cooking. I was annoyed at how I felt after subsisting on pints of ice cream, pork rinds and lime chili kettle chips. Upon hearing my tale of woe my friends referred me to an online subscription food delivery service. This new service has improved my friends’ hectic work-life schedule. They suggested I try BlueApron.com, which both elevates and simplifies the ritual of weekly cooking. It is a culinary dream come true, as my friends described it.

burned slices of potatoes which look like poop

No,  this isn’t a pan of sliced poop pate left sweating in the Spring southern sun, but my attempt at baking potato slices in olive oil. Why can’t I unlearn charring food and use the timer that cleverly comes on my smart phone?  Now you understand why I need guidance in the art of cooking.

BlueApron delivers weekly recipes never to be repeated. They have a culinary team of renowned guest chefs who prepare meals in the 500-700 calorie range which take only 35 minutes to prepare. The ingredients are seasonal, locally sourced and delivered nationwide. Each week, based on your dietary preferences, there is a choice of three meals from six options. I chose the meal plan for two for $60 a week, which includes 3 meals with delivery included. For a single person this translates into 6 meals for only $60. What a bargain!

BlueApron’s entire process is meticulously thought out in an efficient and clever manner. The order arrives in a recycled cardboard box containing food wrapped in an insulated, padded wrapper covered in ice packs. All the ingredients come pre-measured and ready to use in individually labelled zip lock bags. Each meal has its own colorized recipe card with easy directions that even a neophyte cook like me can follow. If you fail to follow their meals, then you are beyond redemption.

blue apron recipes card food delivery service

Here is a sample of this week’s recipes on Blue Apron, which not only came out perfectly but were immensely satisfying:

Blue Apron recipes

cooking a blueapron recipe in my kitchen

There’s me in my kitchen cooking up the curry spiced chicken thighs. In lieu of a proper chef’s hat, I decided to wear my jean urban turban. The indigo picks up the azure in my eyeballs and gives them that sparkle that makes most people seethe with jealousy. I am such a disaster in the kitchen that instead of an apron, I am wearing a white sexy-off-shoulder Hefty bag. The schmutz on my face is flour. I have no clue how I managed to get it all over my face since the recipe doesn’t even call for it.

blue apron chicken curry thighs recipe

Here is my culinary masterpiece. Not bad eh? I don’t eat on hoity-toity overpriced china place settings. I never quite understood why one would spend $200 on a plate. Honey, is Crate & Barrel not good enough for you? I like to eat on plastic plates covered with girly paper cut-outs, like something you would find a five year old eating on. Dishwasher safe and unbreakable.

One final thought confounds me. How does BlueApron manage to profit from this venture charging only $60 a week? Not only do they mitigate the drudgery of meal coordination, but the site also serves as an avenue for entertainment. I love reading reviews and comments, and can’t resist reading some of the idiotic reviews, complaints and questions people leave for each recipe.

I hope I have persuaded you to try this food program. If you are used to large portions found at fast food chains, then you will feel deprived by BlueApron’s meal program. For anyone trying to maintain their weight or would like to lose weight, then this system of nutrient delivery is unrivaled.

BlueApron is offering a coupon on Gilt.com until August for their 2 person option for $39.

And for all of us tree huggers, rest assure that everything is recyclable.

*I was not paid by BlueApron to review their food delivery program. Although they should, because I am now their unofficial food ambassador.