Happy Birthday Pretty Cripple I decided to commemorate the one year anniversary of my blog, Pretty Cripple, by channeling the one-year-old child in me. One-year-olds get away with smooshing cake all over their faces with their blubbery hands, eschew utensils, communicate via grunts and pools of drool with screeches and fits of laughter.

To celebrate, I threw a party this past Saturday dressed as a one-year-old and dunked my head into a cake. Have you ever plastered your hands and face in chocolate cake? Well, you don’t know what you are missing! I love the tactility of squishy textures like whipped cream and frosting oozing threw my fingers, rubbing it on my face like war paint. And there I am, laughing hysterically.

Wear waxed over sized lips for fun. You can't eat them though.

Wear waxed over sized lips for fun. You can’t eat them though. My favorite character from the Simpsons is “Ralphie”. And of course, purple Barney is a staple in my life and helped me celebrate.

For years friends begged me to start a blog. I wasn’t sure how to release my creative energy. I contemplated painting since that was my minor in college. But I hadn’t picked up a paint brush in years. I was emotionally wrecked as well because I was displaced when Hurricane Sandy hit, and had to live with my parents for six weeks. I was depressed and felt unfulfilled. I was dying to find an outlet other than museums, concerts and online shopping.

During that time, I also tried online dating, which I don’t recommend. The majority of men on these sites are narcissists and rejects who need their egos massaged while building an online harem. They waste your time emailing and texting for weeks on end. However, I did meet one creative guy who told me I was hilarious and needed to start blogging. BINGO! Why did I take what he said to heart? The main catalyst was I was living with the folks and needed a new focus. Secondly, the timing was right and an objective analysis by a stranger somehow hit home.

The best online dating profile

This gem was on OKCupid.com and is a joke of course. This is the BEST and FUNNIEST online dating profile I have ever read. CLICK ON THE IMAGE and then click again to enlarge.

For the next 6 weeks I researched how to start a blog on Lynda.com, downloaded a simple template and did not obsess about the design too much. My main goal was to create funny, vibrant content. I wasn’t sure what to call it though. So one day in an email to my friend Gary French (whom I went to college and grew up with in Forest Hills, NY), I referred to a roomful of disabled women as a “room full of pretty cripples”. He wrote me back and told me that this quip was hilarious and politically incorrect. Politically incorrect, indeed. Did I care at the time? No. So “Pretty Cripple” it was.

The most rewarding part of writing weekly posts is that I make people laugh by sharing my opinions and by creating visuals that have readers coming back for more. While I consider myself a fashion/life style blogger, I didn’t want my blog to be like the majority of narcissistic, parochial-here-are-5-shots-of-me-in-another-stupid-outfit-with-my-hair-extensions blog. I also hope to offer inspiration and hope to disabled and able bodied people alike. Everyone experiences a crucible, but you have to try to manage it the best way you can and remain positive. We all have a talent or gift that should be shared, since what the hell is there in life if you don’t have hope outside of mundanity? Luckily, I have a repository of hope and brain power that continuously spins out of control.

If you are too afraid or embarrassed to unleash creativity, please don’t. Go full force and don’t give a damn what other people think. You will always have people who don’t get you, get easily offended, lack a sense of humor or just can’t relate to you. I love the adage, “Live for the day and stop worrying about tomorrow”.

So here is a recap of my 5 favorite posts created by someone who would’ve been prescribed meds, but chooses not to. I embrace the joy of my insanity or rather insane creativity.

VALENTINE’S DAY WITH A MALE BLOW UP DOLLLast February I had  a date with my plastic friend, Skip. Read why blow up dolls make great friends and not in a randy way either.

cripples with male blow up dolls

What? The Golden Girls is your favorite show too?

 This is Skip's parents. Gee, I wish I could live in a Chinese factory and send my son overseas for about a buck.

This is Skip’s parents. They created him in a underpaid, toxic infused Chinese factory and then sent him to meet the randy sorts in the US.


#2 Paris Fashion Week – We ain’t tawkin’ Paris – Welcome to freaking NJ – Read how I sat in a NJ Garden State Parkway rest stop analyzing fashion with scorn. I did NOT like what I saw.

gross hideous NJ fashion

I sat scornfully looking at fashion in NJ on a crippy ramp wondering “Why do I bother?” People don’t  give a crap about way they look.

NJ Parkway Fashion People

#3 Lumber Jacks pretending they are women – I HATE BEARDS- Read how my BFF and I dressed as as lumber jack bearded ladies and mocked the new hipster beard trend in my bed with wood, an axe and Red Stripe beer.

Women who wear beards

I despise the new beard trend. Even Jesus wouldn’t like this look.

women dressed as lumberjacks squirting cheese

4. Foil DIY – Fashion on the runways of  2013. Read how you can follow last fall’s DIY trend and create your own hideous, but creative looks.

Craig Green fashion fall 2013

Is this ok for Craig Green’s take on women’s fashion?

Craig Green Men's Fall 2013

5. MY URBAN TURBAN – A twisted tale of denim This London street styler wrapped a pair of jeans around her head. I decided to do the same and I will show you where to wear it and be cool. This look also works at your local Dunkin Donuts.

2 street stylersOk, this gal styled herself better than I, however did she think of wearing her jean URBAN TURBAN to a sauna in Prada and a Morrissey tshirt? DUH! I win!

Magda in a sauna

Look, could you please turn the heat down in this dump? I just lost 15 lbs. in the last 10 minutes.

Thanks to all my friends and family for supporting me. Thank you John, my massage therapist for helping me maintain the strength in my legs and giving me mental support. You make me feel so amazing, I temporarily forget about shoes and cheese.

A paraplegic’s legs do not look like this without workouts and support–by the way–so thank you John for your patience.

To all my disabled readers:  Please keep strong and don’t give up. You are stronger than you think. I know. And if you are not? Toughen up, because no one gives a crap about your disability and are clueless about what you are going through anyway. Make a difference in this world because the hapless mess standing next to you probably will not. Most likely he or she is probably holding a shot gun aiming aimlessly, and then blaming you for standing in the way after they accidentally blow your face off.

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