Reinventing Stanley Kubrick's LOLITA

All of June I have had little on my mind other than film director Stanley Kubrick.

My BFF is getting married this fall, and we designed her theme-based wedding invite based on inspiration from the movie The Shiningmy favorite Kubrick filmand one which 99.999% of women would not find suitable to use for a wedding invitation. I won’t show you what we came up with just yet, but know it falls into the category of ‘outré wedding invite designs’.

Once we finished our design masterpiece, Kubrick again reentered my life when a friend presented me with a pair of heart shaped sunglasses. These are similar to the pair actress Sue Lyon wore in her role of the nymphette in Lolita, Kubrick’s June 1962 film. I was a preteen when I first saw it and was intrigued by the power that beautiful, young women wield over middle aged men. At the time I didn’t fully comprehend why an “old man” (Humbert Humbert, played by James Mason) would fall in love with a precocious teen, but I could understand, and took pity upon, her screeching, naive mother (Shelly Winters), who failed to recognize in time that unrequited and ‘taboo’ love could only end in tragedy. This film was so forbidden in the 60s, but I was surprised it was ultimately thrown into the Hollywood film refuse bin after it was remade in “modern-day” 1999.

It’s only a matter of time before another director comes along willing to remake it. In the meantime, I have a suggestion. Instead of our youth-obsessed country casting another teen to play the lead role, why not cast a 40-somethingyearold who is mostly a responsible adult, but channels her inner-spaz the rest of the time? Maybe even replace the pitiful, middle aged, love-sick deviant with an infirm, megalomaniac, hedge fund manager-type who wheels around in a wheelchair and ruffled toupee? I envision renaming the movie SPAZITA, starring Donald Trump with yours truly as Lolita.

Stanley Kubrick's LOLITA movie poster

Pretty Cripple stars in a remake of LOLITA as SPAZITA

That’s me as ‘SPAZITA‘. I think we need to cast Melissa McCarthy as Lolita’s mom.

How will you spend the final day of June? I say chisel away your restrained, adult facade and go ‘spaz’.  It’s fun, inexpensive, and shows the world: Guess what? I don’t give a shit. Trouble looms around every corner, so lick a lollipop, cross your eyes, snap some photos, email them to your boss and demand a raise. This is one of the things that is getting me through this comical election season. And if Donald Trump backs out, I can always ask Governor Chris Christie.

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